This is how beautiful feels.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the struggles women face because of media and other sources that make these beautiful women feel like they aren't. I know what it's like to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and not like the person staring back at you. I spent many long years awaiting the day when I would look in the mirror and smile at the girl looking back. I really felt like I was still stuck in the awkward phase of my life even after high school. I compared myself to others with extremely judging eyes and tried so hard to be something I wasn't. I don't think I am that wrong when I say that most women have felt the same.

This is really hard for me to admit... but, I struggled with acne for many years. I tried everything from Proactive to home remedies. Aside from the pain of acne, my heart ached every time I caught a glimpse of my face or saw a picture of myself online. I tried my best to stay out of pictures that I had no control of. I almost obsessively edited every little pimple off my face before I let anyone else see any pictures of me. Not only was it frustrating, but I felt like I was hiding behind the magic of photoshop. I felt like I couldn't be myself. Along with the acne, I had braces until the beginning of this year. I watched my friends grow up to be stunningly beautiful women while I felt like a middleschooler. Then one night I was complaining to my roommate about my acne and how terrible I felt. I was to the point where I was so sick of it that I often wished that I could buy a new face. My roommate was so kind and understanding and helped me to feel a little better. She suggested that I go see a dermatologist (something I had never thought of). That next week I set up an appointment but didn't expect miracles. I had been to the doctor before and had taken medication and used topical creams that seemed to do nothing but dry out my face. My new dermatologist recommended Acutane. I was skeptical, but decided to give it a shot anyways. After the first two months I started seeing a  difference, and my face began to heal. Apart from the symptoms of my skin being extremely dry, I started to feel better about myself. After six months of treatment I am happy to say that I am acne free!
(I am not at all promoting Acutane. It was just the only thing that worked for me. I understand that the drug may not be right for everyone and you can talk to your doctor about using it.)

The other morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and smiled. For the first time in a long time I felt truly beautiful. I thought to myself "This is how beautiful feels." I didn't feel like I had to wear a ton of makeup to cover my face. I was happy! I even laughed with joy! Today I did an experiment. I took pictures of myself, and for the first time I  didn't edit out any blemishes, but a few under eye wrinkles... I am still working on not editing at all... but it is a huge step from where i started!

Ok so this story might be a little misleading to the reason why I told the story in the first place. I am in no way saying that in order to feel beautiful you must be acne free. One of my biggest regrets is not seeing how truly beautiful I really am and was all those years I thought otherwise. It is still a work in progress. I still have days where I have the same old terrible feelings about myself, but I am trying to remember what I have learned and apply it. There is no doubt that women make this world go round. We are all beautiful inside and out. We each hold a light inside of us that we need to let shine. Don't ever forget who you are, where you have come from, and where you are going. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't beautiful, even if it's yourself.

Throughout the next couple of months I want to have guest posters come here and talk about self image and beauty. I want them to share personal experiences and how they have overcome (or are working to overcome) beauty struggles. My aim is to address all of the issues women face today with love, support, kindness, progress, goals, ideas, strength, and friendship. The goal is to help women know how beautiful feels.

So if you want to be a part of the project please comment, share, and/or email me! I would love to hear your stories and most importantly be your friend! If your interested in guest posting shoot me an email and tell me a little bit about yourself and what you want to talk about in the post! I am excited to create a support group of beautiful women to love and care for one another.

Email me at carli.randolf@gmail.com

Carli

Today I am grateful for music.

Music is a such a huge part of my life. I grew up listening to my dad tap his feet on the bedroom floor as he played his old guitar, harmonica, and sang everyday.  I was always included in these "jam sessions" as a kid. Later I picked up the guitar and started playing. Although I am not very good, playing my guitar and singing is something that I love. It has also turned into something I do with some of the greatest friends I have. Actually, this past Friday night I went to a bonfire and brought along my guitar. It was so awesome to see how truly talented everyone there is. Music brings people together. We sang songs together around the fire. It was perfect. It's not only playing music that I love, but it's listening to it too. Music warms my soul and helps me to feel. There is a certain kind of power that music has over the spoken word. I feel truly blessed to have the ability to hear, make, and feel music. I think that Record Tuesdays are my favorite post of the week.

This picture is pretty old. Back when I still had braces and long hair. I just realized that this is the only picture I have of me actually playing the guitar. I need to get on that. I really have been wanting to share that part of my life more.

Carli

Let's Talk About Cookies.

Do you remember last February when you saw that cute little girl in a little green vest covered with the cutest little badges? Your heart leaped for joy when she sweetly asked “Would you like to buy a box of Girl Scout cookies?” You then nodded because you didn’t dare speak for you might be a little too enthusiastic and scare that little freckle faced Girl Scout away. She hands you the order form and you excitedly look down the list of cookies until you see your favorite. 

If you are anything like me… your eyes finally landed on… Wait. Caramel Delights!?!?!?

Where the heck are the Samoas?! They look the same… but the name has been changed to Caramel Delights?! 

Suffice to say that I was furious. Why you ask? 

First of all, Caramel Delights is probably the most unoriginal name. There are probably a billion and one different types of candy/cookies that bear the same name. 

Second, the best part about that cookie is not the caramel. It’s the coconut!

Third, Samoas are my childhood. I was once a Girl Scout myself. I spent many long hours standing in front of grocery stores begging people to buy cookies from me so that I could get that beach towel with a pony on it. 

Fourth, when someone says “Do you want a Samoa?” the first thing that comes to mind is a doughnut shaped coconut cookie with chocolate drizzled on top. You then think of a freckle faced little girl in a green vest with the absolute cutest smile who just wants a beach towel with a pony on it. When someone says “Do you want some caramel delights?” You think of caramel squares, chocolate covered caramel…. I could go on. 

So last year when I saw that Samoas were no longer Samoas I contemplated not buying them as sort of a boycott. I bought them anyways because I have absolutely no self control when it comes to Girl Scout cookies. 

This year when a lady at my work was selling them I jumped at the chance to buy way more cookies then I’ll ever need. As my eyes scanned the list of cookies I noticed something magnificent…. Samoas are Samoas again!!!! I was overjoyed. I then bought way more boxes then I’d like to admit. I need to thank whoever boycotted Carmel Delights and made the Girl Scouts change back the name because I wasn’t strong enough to. Thank you!

Also, why is it that the best cookie on the face of the earth can only be purchased only for a short period of time each year? It’s so sad. But maybe thats why I appreciate them so much.

Carli

This Is A True Story

When I was a little girl I was given a little wedding bell favor from a wedding. There was a tag on that bell that stated “When this bell is rung, two people will fall in love.” I rang and rang that bell and when I would see people in love I would rejoyce in the fact that I had created the love that they shared. I did this with no reward or expectations of any. I didn’t dare tell anyone I had this power because the thought of it being abused terrified me. I went to bed at night happy that I was changing the world two people at a time…

Then I grew up.

If only love was that simple.  

Carli

La Blogotheque

My bestie Kaitlyn introduced me to this youtube channel and she told me that I would be obsessed. She was right. I am completely obsessed. I have watched like a billion of their videos like a billion times each. Maybe that was an exaggeration… Maybe not. 

For Emma- Bon Iver

I especially love this one. It is one of my favorite songs. I have always wanted to walk the streets playing music. 

I would highly recommend checking out the La Blogotheque youtube channel. It is wonderful.

Happy Record Tuesday! 

Carli

Sweet, sweet, George.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps- The Beatles covered by Bob Dylan.

I know that a lot of my Record Tuesday posts have been Beatle related… I have been listening to the Beatles a lot lately. Maybe it is the fact that I am currently obsessed with Beatles rock band. I think I go through phases where I rediscover musicians and listen to them constantly for a while until I rediscover another. 

So, because neither Sound Cloud or Groove Shark have full versions of George singing it, I chose to share the Dylan version; because out of all the covers I have listened to, Bob's was the next best to Georgey. 

I cannot promise to stop sharing my love of the Beatles… but who’s complaining? Right?!

So today is the 10 year anniversary of Georgies death after a long battle with cancer. He was my fourth favorite Beatle, but that doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely love him. I’ve got my reasons…. & they may not be all accurate. 

This song is one of my all time faves. Actually a lot of my Beatles faves were written by George. 

Please enjoy the work of George the poetic genus. 

Happy Record Tuesday!

Carli

    
Octopus Garden- The Beatles.

Lately I have been listening to the Beatles a lot. Can you tell who my favorite Beatle is?! 

Ringo of course!!!! No one understands.

Also I am drawing the Abbey Road album cover for my drawing class. If it turns out well I will share. If not. I will not. That’s fair right?

Happy Record Tuesday,

Carli

Record Tuesday: Feist Edition

Today I made a decision & that decision was to start a little something called Record Tuesdays!!!! What is a Record Tuesday you so kindlyask?!? Well… It is the wonderful day of the week where I get to tell all you lovely people about the music that I love listening too! It could be my new favorite band, my current jam, a new record release, or a classic that crept it’s way back into my playlist. I have such a huge passion for music. It is one of my most favorite things in the universe…. and let me tell you… the universe is never ending. 

I thought I would start this off with one of my favorite musicians of all time. This woman has the most unique voice, she creates the most intriguing melodies, and her music is so raw that you feel it inside your bones. I know. She is that good. This woman’s name is Leslie Feist.

Have you never heard of Feist before?! Well then you must recognize this…

1234 from Feist’s album The Reminder. This song was on an iPod commercial which plucked Feist from obscurity. I remember when that commercial was on air. I was sitting in my English class one day and my teacher asked the class if any one knew the singer in the ipod commercial, and sang the song. I politely raised my hand and stated… “Her name is Feist… Leslie Feist.” (I totally took the Bond approach.) I then smiled at the thought that my shy little self, who pretty much had nothing in common with anyone in any of my classes, was now that person who still didn’t have anything in common with anyone in my class, but was now somewhat cool for listening to something besides Beyonce or whatever. Try going to a school where 90% of the people only enjoy mainstream everything. Can we please get a little variety up in here?! Anyways…

I seriously thought that Feist had set the bar awfully high with her first two albums and when I heard she was coming out with a third I was extremely worried that it would not measure up. Boywas I wrong. I preordered Metals and seriously was counting down the days until it would come. When it did I put it in turned the volume way up, turned out the lights, and layed on the couch and just listened. It was magical.

I wondered why it took her so long to put out another album, so I did a little research… This is what I discovered:

 I read an article about her hiatus from music. The woman seriously did not touch her guitar for a year! What amazes me about that is that after a year away from music she comes back and creates this record that is just so well made, and has such soul, and power. I also read that once she got all the attention and fame from 1234 she kinda felt like she was just going through the motions. She needed to step away from it to find her passion again.

I think she found that passion because you cannot listen to Metals without hearing her heart and soul. One thing I love about Feist is that she is not in it for the fame, she wants success, but not fame. I always feel that musicians loose the passion when their goal is fame. 

These are my favorite songs on the record… (but to be clear.. pretty much all of my songs are my favorite…)

How Come You Never Go There.

Graveyard.

& 

Comfort Me. 

I give this album an A+! I highly suggest investing in this album.

Carli

*These are my opinions & I do not expect anyone to agree with me.*

Up, Up, & Away!

Balloon Fiesta History: The fiesta began 40 years ago in a parking lot of a mall. About 15 balloons were in attendance. It has now grown to over 1000 balloons (that was way too many for Albuquerque to handle), so it dropped back down to 750. Pilots come from all over the world to take to the skies with fellow balloonists. Spectators come from all around to witness the polka dot sky.The fiesta is always the first week of October and lasts nine days. If you are not a morning person I have to say that you may be turned off by the fact that in order to witness this spectacular event you have to awake before the sun. It is probably the most glorious thing you will ever witness. 

My dad has been hot air ballooning since 1972 and has been coming to the fiesta since 1977. I have been going my entire life. I am so lucky to be able to miss an entire week of school to spend my days soaring across the New Mexico sky.

If you have never seen & or heard of a balloon fiesta I highly suggest you look at the following pictures….

This year my dad was not able to bring his balloon due to an accident three years ago. His balloon was tangled in barbed wire during a windy landing. Suffice to say, it has a few holes that cost an arm and a leg to fix. So this year we came a spectators. Soooonot as fun as coming as a balloon crew. I was so incredibly jealous of all the balloon crews. Especially on the first day when I saw this guy holding the ropes which is MY job.  I even became somewhat emotional. The following is a list of things, in no particular order, that I was extremely jealous of because I was not part of a balloon crew. 

1. Staying in a really nice hotel for free.

2. Getting free breakfast and lunch from the hospitality tent.

3. Being able to park onto the field.

4. Being able to sleep in the car until the pilots get their weather briefing.

5. Getting to go to the zoo for a party with food for free.

6. Getting free admission to all balloon fiesta events.

7. Being that really cool kid riding in the back of the chase crew vehicle while everyone else stares in envy.

8. Riding in the balloon.

9. Setting up the balloon.

10. Chasing the balloon.

By the way. It is an awesome thing to be browsing the post cards and seeing your dads balloon on one of them. Rodeo Joe is the black balloon with the yellow longhorn.

Flying in a balloon is so amazing. It feels like you are flying. Once you reach about 100 feet it is silent. You don’t here the busy city noises any more. Just the sound of the burner warming the balloons air. It is so peaceful & awe-inspiring. A balloon ride is something everyone must do.

Carli

Pumpkin Pie Sunday.

I did not leave the house today. I stayed in my pj’s all the day long. It was so wonderful. I realized today that I have not had a pj day in like 6 months. There has not been one day where I haven’t had to do something. 

Heres what I did. Cooked me a yummy breakfast, watched General Conference, caught up on my reading, did some studying for my BOM test, had Courtney and Ben over for pumpkin pie shakes and crafts. They have since left. 

I needed today. Very much so. 

Ok! So the pumpkin pie shakes!!!! 

So my mother and I have had this thing with pumpkin pie shakes for like the longest time. 

There is this diner in Albuquerque that my family goes to on our yearly trip to the Balloon Fiesta. Route 66 Diner is the name and I must say that it is amazing! They have the bombest pumpkin pie milkshakes! Well, i don’t know if they are the best because I have never had one any where else, but I am just assuming because they are heavenly. So I saw this recipe online for a pumpkin pie milkshake and I decided to test it out to see if I could create that heavenly milk shake that I only get to have once a year (in fact it has been several years.) So yesterday I made the pie and today I made the shake. THis is how it is made…

1. Make a pumpkin pie. I got a frozen pie crust & used the canned pumpkin pie filling. I am not at all a good cook so I thought that would be the safest bet. If you are an awesome baker then I suggest using your favorite pumpkin pie recipe. 

2. Let the pie cool overnight or for a couple hours in the fridge.

3. If you are serving only yourself then cut one slice of pie and put it in the blender. Add 2 cups of vanilla ice cream, and 1 1/2 cups of milk. 

4. Blend it!!!

5. I put it in a canning jar and put a dollop of whipping cream on top. 

6. Enjoy!!!! 

(the picture is bad… My camera ran out of battery so I used a phone Sorry…)

If you are serving more then yourself just double the recipe.

Here’s another wonderful trick I learned. If you have a lot of pumpkin pie filling left over you can make pumpkin pudding! All you have to do is put it in a pot on the stove on medium and stir constantly. It takes about 10 min or until the consistency is as thick as pudding.

This Wednesday I am flying down to Albuquerque to meet my dad at the Balloon Fiesta. I am excited to go get a pumpkin pie shake at Route 66 Diner. I am hoping that it is much batter then mine so that it is still special…. I’ll let you know how it goes…

Carli 

Jam & Cookies

This weekend Courtney roped me into helping her & Ben make Jam. Pear Jam. Strawberry Jam. Concord Grape Jam. Not only were we making jam… but we were canning it so that in a few years we can eat this jam when the world is coming to an end. This jam will be a small treasure in a world of darkness. Ok… that was a joke. I doubt that the jam will last that long because we will be eating it. Maybe a couple months to a couple more months… but you never know…

Our jam tastes lovely. I didn’t get a chance to photo document the actually canning because it is quite dangerous and intense. Multiple people were burnt. If you have ever done any canning without an actually canning machine then you know what I am talking about. Well… maybe you don’t because you probably are much better and have a much less dangerous method of canning  down pat. We were inexperienced.

After that lovely (and when I say lovely I mean not very lovely) experience of making and then canning jam, we decided to celebrate our completion with a Papa Murphy’s pizza and a half dozen Ruby Snap cookies! 

I have talked about Ruby Snap before and I will talk about them many more times to come. They are so delicious!!!!! Guess what I just recently discovered!?! If you are not fortunate enough to live in the Salt Lake area you can order frozen cookie dough by the dozen and have it shipped directly to your homestead! I highly recommend doing so…

Do they not look divine?! If you don’t think so then you are definitely mental, because they are baked heaven. Each cookie has a pinup girl name such as Penelope (the peanut butter cookie dipped in chocolate on the far left), Judy (orange with orange cream cheese frosting second to the left), & Mavis (a chocolate dough that has a slight kick. I can’t remember what exactly is in it but it is glorious). The cookie in the middle with the fresh strawberry on top is the cookie of the month. It is a strawberry peach cobbler cookie with goat cheese frosting and fresh strawberry on top. 

Such a lovely weekend…

Carli

The Wedding.

My weekend was insane. And when I say insane, I mean histerically insane. My weekend was so huge that I will have to break it up into several blog posts just to explain it all.

Courtney’s wedding was Saturday. Can you belive she is married?! I cannot. I feel like it is a dream. All the time leading up to that one moment was something I will never forget, but never want to have to go through again. Can I just say this? Why do weddings bring out the worst in everybody? This includes me. Thanks to my buddy Kaitlyn I thankfully made it through to the end. Thanks my friend. I was so not prepaired for what I had to deal with. I almost gave up several times. I was so stressed that my body went crazy. But I am glad I pulled through because it turned out amazing. Courtney looked stunning in her vintage inspired tea length. Ben looked smashing aswell. I’ll have to admit, after all the bridesmaid dress drama, we looked pretty hott. Saturday morning was a blur, all the running around, speeding to the temple, and picture taking. Here are a few select pictures from the temple.

After the temple we had some lunch and then headed back to the place of the reception to finish the last minute details. I have got to say, I did not think that the decorations would come together, but they did. The reception was so Courtney. A complete reflection of her wonderful self. Here are some pictures of how wonderful the place looked.

I am so glad that we were able to incorporate the photobooth. It was a hit.

Do you see that kid looking through the mouth hole of the beard? Histerical.

Suffice to say. I had the time of my life…

I am so glad that it is all over… I am excited for my life to get back to normal and be less stressful. I don’t really know what to do with myself now. I am sure I’ll figure something out.

Carli.