(Accidental photo that ended up being double exposure, and pretty awesome.)
It has been a little too long since I have posted anything here. That's ok though, because I am sure no one has even noticed. Sometimes I think about blogging and then don't. Sometimes I type out a blog post and then delete it. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I don't feel like I have much to say. I would be surprised if I even publish this. So if you happen to be reading this... well, cool.
The other day I was studying at the library. Well, I wasn't really studying because I was on Facebook. It happens... I don't know what I clicked, but I accidentally clicked something and it took me to page that shows me what my newsfeed looked like a year ago that day. The first thing that popped up was a picture of one of my good friends leaving for his mission. That day was a pretty big deal to me, and to him. I freaked out because I couldn't even begin to understand how a year had already passed! I got home later that night and I looked at the picture on my wall of my friend and I from that day. I looked at me in that picture and just said, "If you only knew what is ahead of you." Then I laughed to myself. This past year was HARD. There were nights where I literally couldn't sleep because I was sick with stress about, school, work, family, my future, etc. There were days where I literally just wanted to hide under a rock. There were so many phone calls to my mom (I literally used all my minutes on my phone one month... does that even happen?!). There were a lot of tears. I spent a lot of time hating myself for not being good enough, skinny enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and the list goes on. After I thought about all that crap, I realized something. Something that should be sooooooo much more obvious than it is. I am so incredibly blessed. Yeah, it was hard and it sucked sometimes, but this year has been one of the best. I have done so much growing that I hardly even recognize some of the things I have posted on this blog. I was so naive.
If I could write a letter to the me in that picture I would say so many things. Maybe I will write a letter... Here it goes,
"Hey there. You probably think you don't know me, but you know me way more than you think. I know you think that you know it all, but don't count on that. Your plans are going to change so much. You are going to feel lost, alone, and disappointed. You are going to feel a lot of pain, regret, and sadness. Don't worry though, you will feel immense amounts of happiness and love too. Right when you are about to break something will make you whole again. Trust me when I say, it gets better. You start to love yourself more. You get smarter. You find a major. You get into that major. You meet some of the greatest people to walk the earth. You make a lot of progress. You are happy. Just wait a little longer and you will be there. When I say there, I don't mean THERE. THERE takes a lifetime. There is a place where you know that you are on the right path. You feel strong, confident, and loved. Look forward to the next year. It will be one of the best you ever had."
Sorry, not sorry. This post was a long sappy drawn out whatever. It wasn't for you. It was for me. I think I just needed to--actually, I don't have to explain myself. If you did read this, cool. Thanks for reading and come again? I hope to post a bit more often, but this isn't going to one of those blogs where I pretend my life is perfect when I know it is not. I am only saying that because this blog used to be a place where I pretended my life was perfect and worried about followers and crap like that. I don't care about that anymore. This blog is for me. If for some reason you are inspired by what I have to say, you are welcome anytime. :)