Insomnia?

The past two nights have been sort of ridiculous. I go to bed very tired… and then the second I pull my nice soft blankets up to my chin my eye lids loose their weight and I am full of energy… except I am not full of energy. I am tired. I spend the next couple of hours wrestling with my blankets hoping to win the never ending fight of “hot” and “cold”. I am sure that everyone knows the battle that I am describing. 

I know that it has only been two nights… but I seriously have not had this problem for a very long time. At a young age I discovered a solution to any and every sleeping problem. The moment I laid my head on my pillow I would start to think about things. I would relive events, think about my future and what I wanted to do with it, and most of all tell myself little stories. Stories that involved me going on adventures, falling into pits of radioactive liquid and gaining super powers, traveling the world… Until I fell asleep. It was as if I was reading a book, but I was the main character. I would never even notice if I was still awake or not because I would be so caught up in the story. These stories would sometimes last weeks. Each night I would jump into bed and start right where I left off. When the story finally came to an end, I would move on and create a new story. Maybe this is the reason why I never really got into reading books all the time, because the stories I created were much more personal. This is still my nightly routine.

The past two nights I have had a hard time letting my mind go. It has been so weird. I lay there tossing and turning. I stare into the darkness. It is so dark that I am not even sure if my eyes are open or shut until I reach up and touch them. Last night I got out of bed and read the Hunger Games for several hours. When I finally looked at my watch it was 3:30. I was still wide awake. I forced my self to go to bed, but didn’t fall asleep for another hour. 

I just hope that I am not growing out of “bedtime stories”. I know it sounds terribly childish for a 21 year old to rely on a good story before bed. I didn’t realize until now that I cherish them.

Carli

In My Head.

All of my good friends know this story…

When I was in 5th grade my class was going on a field trip. I was so extremely excited that I couldn’t sleep the night before. I tossed and turned all through the night wishing the time would go by faster. Since I was a child this weird thing always happens to me when I am in the in between stage of being awake and asleep. There are different things that happen and let me tell you… they are impossible to explain. But on this night my mind told me that I had to get out of bed and fit my body into a tiny little imaginary box. I knew that this was impossible. There was no way I could fit my body into a tiny box. But the thought kept haunting me. I felt as if it was a life or death situation. I then proceeded to get out of bed to try it. As soon as I stood up I realized it was impossible and got into bed. I got in and out of several times actually kneeling on the floor and curling up my body before I finally was able to get the thought out of my mind and fall asleep. 

I find this completely hilarious… and so do all the people I have told. Except my mom. She didn’t think it was funny. But, I think of how funny it would be to have a video tape of me getting in and out of bed only to try and fit my body into a non existent tiny box. Think of how many youtube hit that would get! Am I right?!

The following is a list of other symptoms…

I see bubbles in my mind. They float by and this calms me. THEN! all of a sudden they start popping. This freaks me out. When I was a kid I would cry about it, when I got older I just pushed it out of my mind but it is still uncomfortable.

The same thing happened with lines. They would be smooth lines, and then they would go crazy.

This one still happens every so often. When I am lying in bed and just thinking about things all of a sudden all the things I think about seem to be way larger then they really are. Like if I am thinking about school or writing notes or something, my pencil seems to be way huge and I freak out because I cannot use a pencil the size of my body.

I know… It is strange.

Actually most my life I truly believed that it was normal. Then I told some people and they let me know that it isn’t normal. I am not worried about it. It no longer scares me. I feel like it is a part of my life. I am used to it. Plus, it is a very funny story to tell. Especially when I am able to do the actions. People seriously roll on the floor laughing. I would just like to know if there is anyone out there in the world that can relate. 

I have tried researching it but I have come to no avail. Actually… if you want to get a good laugh google the following phrases.

“When I try to sleep I see bubbles popping and it scares me”

“When I try to sleep I am forced to try to put my body in a small imaginary box.”

“When I try to sleep weird things happen in my mind such as bubbles popping, lines going crazy, and things seeming bigger then they are.”

Ashley and I just looked this stuff up and it was extremely funny. I didn’t know that breast replacements relate to mental cray cray insomnia. 

If you can relate to, or know of anyone who can relate to, or know what is possibly going on inside my head when I experience mental cray cray insomnia then please, oh please so kindly let me know. 

Carli