Life.

I have been thinking a lot about where my life is heading. I have been making plans for the future… both immediate and far off futures. I have been thinking about my move to Provo next fall, and my plans for the summer, and my plans for a career. For once in my life it seems as if my dreams are actually in reach. I finally have chosen a dream that is actually a likely possibility. Not the 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance of being a successful musician, or of being the first person to play an instrument on Mars, or winning the lottery and buying a house in Europe and eating breakfast every morning on my rooftop patio. I have decided that as hard as it is to have a successful handmade shop I just want to make that my career. Whether I open an actual shop or travel the country and sell in craft shows, or both.

This is not what I intended talking about today. I guess I am trying to avoid my actual topic because it scares me… It has taken me an awfully long time to actually sit down and write this post.

I really have been feeling that I should openly talk about self image, not only to get my feelings off my chest, but to help myself and others to get over this plague that haunts many women and men around the world. 

We have all seen the campaigns to help eradicate self image issues on T.V or online only to be confronted with another ad that makes you feel as if you are worthless just seconds later.

Confessions: Far too often I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and just want to crawl back into my bed and wallow in self pity. Far too often I push through that and get dressed and go throughout the day worrying of my appearance. Far too often I spend hours editing my blemishes out of pictures of myself because I am too embarrassed to let any one see them. Far too often I don’t style my hair the way I want too because I feel like I need to use my bangs to hide my face from the world. Far too often do I wish that I had the qualities of others. I think that we all get the gist… and I think that everyone can relate to that in some way. I kind of feel like I am in this between stage of my life… I often think to myself “Soon you will have no braces and no acne and you will be beautiful… You can make it until then… Right?”  That affirmation gets me through my day. 

I didn’t write this blog post to fish for compliments. I did this because I want to document my feelings. I want to use this as a way for me to get over the hardness I feel towards myself. I want to be able to come back and read this and be reminded of my struggles and how I have worked to overcome them. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t feel like I am of any worth. I know that I am of worth. I do love myself. I am happy that I am me. I am also grateful for the issues that I have gone through and continue to sort out because I wouldn’t be ME without them. I know that I am my worst critic, and maybe I don’t always feel this way, but I do know that I am beautiful. 

A word of advice…. (and I am not saying this because I have successfully accomplished this state of mind. It is more of a philosophy.) Don’t let your mind diminish your beauty. Don’t let worldly ideals steal away your pride. Don’t let popular culture cover up who you are, & never forget that you are wonderful.

Carli