Break Down.

Last night I had my first official “so far from home (and a combination of other things)” break down . I called my mom and just cried. I am not at all ashamed to admit it. I am actually really surprised that I lasted almost a year. Moving so far from your family is really hard!  It’s just a fact of life. Especially when you have absolutely no family where you move to. Sure I have friends… but it’s not the same. I never realized how much I missed family dinners until last night. I miss sitting around the table and just eating, talking and laughing.

I feel like I have been pretty strong about my move and living that decision. I love my independence. I like being in Utah, my job and my school. But sometimes I just need a little family. Or even a situation that resembles my family. I want someone to spend time with on a Sunday night. Is that too much to ask?

Since I have been out here I have become a lot more grateful for the family I have. My mom always knows exactly what to say to lift my spirits. She is so reassuring and brings to my attention so many things.

As for the combination of other things… I realized. I am not going to settle for the ideals of others. I am not going to wait for my dreams to come true. I am not going to sit at home and wait for anyone. I am going to go out there and make it happen. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, making comparisons, and feeling pressured to search for something that I am not at all ready for.

Maybe you know to what I am referring… Maybe not.

Carli.